September the twentieth, two-thousand-and-nineteen
Blog Post 1 – 20th September, 2019
Je Suis Arrive I’m here. In London. It’s very real. It feels like it did in Birmingham, but just more expensive. I thought I might have had this ‘I’ve made it’ moment, or feel completely wow-ed by the capital. But, it just feels pretty normal actually. I’ve settled into my room. I decorated it with five plants, two sets of fairy lights, a sufficient amount of animal ornaments or the stuffed kind, and bought a loft bed. I’m currently sat underneath my bed at my new desk writing this. Hello. How meta. It’s nice man, it’s really nice. Even Barry – the bloke from Pest Control – said how much he liked it, ‘I wish all the rooms I went to were like this. Nice. Very nice.’ Thanks Barry. I’ll attach pictures so you can see it.
Looking Back Just two years ago I was feeling unimpressed with myself. I’d been told my voice was ‘Nice, like, technically, it’s good’ but just ‘not that interesting’, and that stuck with me. No one wanted to hear what I had to sing about, so I just didn’t sing... I mean, I sung in my bedroom, I sang at karaoke, and I sang in the kitchen cooking with my mate Rachel, but I didn’t see it as a career option. Even if I look back to October last year, I took my mum, dad and brother into a room during our big family holiday and told them all about this amazing job in China I’d been offered. I’d had the interview and it was successful, I was about 90% going to go to China to teach English as a foreign language. I was chuffed. It was payed, it was exciting, it was a new place which wasn’t the unsatisfied place I was in, and I thought I could play gigs there – as a white English female with blonde hair I considered I’d get a lot of attention and would be able to use that to make money from gigging. After telling my family about it and receiving their excitement (and concern, understandably), and agreeing to hold off on the contract signing until my parents had Skyped the company, I went downstairs and announced to my extended family that I’d be fucking off to China come August 2019. Obviously that hasn’t happened. In December, when my brother and I were home from uni for Christmas, I remember having a conversation stood on the upstairs landing; Ben stood in his doorway, Mum stood in hers, and I stood between the two, leaning on the banister. I was expressing last minute panic about China – how it might not be what I really really want, that I might be avoiding what I really really want. Ben described it like choosing a holiday. You can plan your holiday thinking about: what budget you’re on, the distance you want to travel, what is sort of reasonable but still interesting... But if your heart is set on Bali, you’ll go to Bali and just make it work, everything will just be figured out. He said it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t enjoy, say, Devon, but Bali is just where my heart is, although Devon would be great too. And I just thought... Oh my god. I have to go to Bali.
Gosh, what a U-turn. We’re back on track now.
Forward Facing I want to write music and sing and perform and bring value to people’s lives. I write lyrics that are honest and reflective and vulnerable, in the hopes that someone else feels comforted by that; because they feel the same way or, perhaps, they have been through a similar experience. I also want to bring joy. Fucking joy. Because that’s what I feel when I write a song. Absolute joy. I really really want people to feel that too, cos there is so much joy to give.
I’m writing a blog post every couple of weeks, I’m going to keep you updated on how I’m doing and what I’m doing. I hope reading this was mildly enjoyable, humorous, or even just nice. We like nice. Nice is good. I am also filming a vlog post every couple of weeks, for the same purpose. And I’m posting regular music videos twice a week (hooray!), because that’s what it’s all about, right?
Do get in touch with me, tell me about you, talk to me about how you feel. Let’s have a DMC.*
*Deep Meaningful Chat